is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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