my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
