he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
