so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
