Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
not ubering you a puppy
We need to get me chipped asap
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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