some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
