we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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