Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
