Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
