Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
