dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
