But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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