Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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