Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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