i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
