turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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