I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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