I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
