I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
