i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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