I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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