When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
