Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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