the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
