The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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