she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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