When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
