why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My bed smells like the plague
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
