He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
