Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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