if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
