he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
