I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My vagina is officially offended.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
