I'm gonna have a badass scar
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
