I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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