Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
