Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
