Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
