I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
