my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
