Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
