The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
