Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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