So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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