The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
