then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize