is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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