check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
