You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
