Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
