Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize