the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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