you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize