in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
