oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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