First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
