i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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