Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
