Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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